Did you ever meet a guy in a social or professional setting who you didn't like at first?
Maybe when you meet him, you even think this:
This dude seems kinda weird. Better make this quick...
Now, I'm not saying you dislike him but you just don't know him well enough to like him.
Then after a few minutes, he mentions that he collects comic books and you reveal to him that you do too.
You start talking about the favorite ones in your collection and he remarks that he has some of the same ones too.
Then you two get into a friendly debate about DC vs. Marvel live-action movies.
All of a sudden, this guy goes from stranger to Very Cool Dude in a matter of minutes.
What does this have to do with meeting and succeeding with women?
Stay with me for a second and I'll tell you why...
How We Bond
What's funny is that all of us have gone through the same experience I just mentioned.
Maybe you didn't bond with someone over comic books though.
Maybe you both bonded over your mutual love of sports, music, animals, technology, humor, books, politics, philosophy, or travel.
Maybe you both just bonded because you think the same way about some obscure things other people don't seem to ever discuss.
No matter what, if you make friends with someone, it usually happens because you see some part of yourself validated in the other person.
On the other hand, if you meet someone who hates all the things you like and think, you may think this:
Wow. This guy is a total piece of shit.
So, even if you have no idea how to make friends (or enemies), this kind of thing usually happens on its own.
Now, when it comes to the last guy you bonded with, you didn't try to impress him at first.
You didn't try to say things to make him like you.
More importantly, you weren't nervous about what he would think of you in the beginning (hopefully).
You were just you.
Why Most Guys Fail
So, if you only were trying to impress another guy, you might have left out the fact that you love comic books because you wanted to sound "cool."
Or worse, the subject of comic books may have come up but you pretended to not care because you thought he would think it's "geeky."
Or worse yet, maybe you never talked to that guy in the first place because you assumed that he's not the kind of guy who would want to speak to you.
Strangely, that same guy would later consider you to be very uncool and you would have lost a potential new friend.
The same dynamic can hurt you when meeting or dating new women in the following ways:
- You don't approach and talk to a new woman because you think she won't like you
- You don't talk about your interests because you think she can't relate to them
- You try to guess what she likes and only talk about those subjects or ideas
So, if you are trying to act like the version of a guy that you think she would like, you might miss out on making a real connection and even come across as "weird."
This approach, in my opinion, is the most common reason guys fail with new women.
Yep, it's the old "trying to be something you're not" thing.
You get stuck before you even approach a new woman - worrying if she'll like you and how you're supposed to act.
I've done it. You've done it. We've all done it.
Yes, it drives women away like the plague but we all STILL do it, right?
Now, here's the fix...
Nobody Likes Anybody At First
There it is. The cure in five words. The one idea to remember from this post.
Nobody likes anybody at first.
Say it out loud. Think about it. Remember it.
Well, sometimes this is only partially true. If your reputation precedes you somehow or she thinks you're physically attractive, you have a little edge.
Still, until you learn something about someone and find even the smallest mutual interest, no real bond can form.
What's truly amazing is that with women, if you find mutual interests with her or if she likes your personality, you can actually become physically attractive to her.
Isn't that crazy?
Just think, she doesn't know you or think you're particularly attractive at first.
You talk. You make her laugh. You find out you both like the same tv shows or bands.
She likes your personality and SUDDENLY thinks you're "kinda cute."
What's the takeaway here? Easy.
A new woman's initial opinion of you doesn't matter as much as you think it does.
What You Need to Know
- Don't worry if a new woman likes you before approaching or talking to her
- Assume that if you are honest and authentic now, she MAY like you later
- Know that with women, personality can directly impact her feelings about your looks
When I was younger and had zero confidence with women, I remember seeing one buddy about to approach a very attractive girl (who he later went on to date).
Before he was about to walk over, I curiously asked him this:
How do you know she'll even like you?
To this, he smiled and shrugged before saying this:
Today, I understand his response and hopefully you do too