A few years ago, I lost that last 10 lbs. of fat that kept me from being muffin-top free.
How did I do it? I cut calories, exercised, and took lots of vitamins and supplements.
However, within three months of losing the weight, I gained back all the weight I lost (and then some).
The worst part was that my backslide into doughboyhood snuck up on me and I never even saw it coming.
The same dynamic can apply in the world of attraction and dating.
Just like you can end up gaining weight after a weight loss period, you can still lose a potential partner - even if you are doing all the "right" things.
You think things are going great...then they suddenly fall apart (quickly).
How can this happen?
You had no awareness of some of the things you were doing wrong (that were sneaking up on you).
Here are three big ones to watch out for:
Drinking Too Much
Whether you're out with a woman or looking to meet someone new, overdoing it with the drinks can drag you down quickly.
Am I suggesting to lay off booze altogether?
No, but just avoid becoming a sloppy mess by following these tips:
- Drink a water or a coke in between drinks
- Always have food in your stomach if you are going out for drinks only
- Throttle WAY back a couple of hours before the date ends
What if people say that you are more "fun" when you are drunk?
Well, what those people probably mean is that you are more entertaining (to them) when you are over your limit.
Slurring your speech, saying stupid things, and acting like a jackass can make you entertaining, but it definitely does NOT make you more attractive to women.
Plus, even if you think you can drink a lot and still be "okay," why risk it?
Just like with compliments, gifts, and cologne, less is more where alcohol is concerned too.
Less of those things = more of her.
Camping and Smothering
Women love attention, right?
So, it only goes to follow that if a guy gives a woman a lot of attention she will be even more attracted than ever, right?
If she is VERY attracted to you, she would love your complete attention.
However, if her feelings about you are still developing, too much attention can be a turn off.
Just think about a meal where the waiter delivers EVERYTHING at once and stands there while you eat.
He stares at you the whole time and every two minutes asks this:
"Is everything alright? Can I get you something else?"
Sounds pretty uncomfortable, huh?
You can't just relax and enjoy yourself because you are constantly being monitored.
This is somewhat how an attractive woman feels around a guy who is camping and smothering.
Here are some ways to avoid this type of situation when out with a woman:
- Bring other people into the conversation
- Change location or venue (if possible)
- Be comfortable with occasional moments of silence
How do you know when to step away or put space between you and her? Simple.
You step away from her when things are going well - like after a laugh or when you two have connected on something.
This sounds counter-intuitive, but let me explain with these reasons:
- If you step away for a minute when things are going well, she'll miss you (good)
- If you call and text only every few days, she'll miss hearing from you more (good)
- If you had a good date and don't inundate her with contact, she'll probably pursue YOU with calls and text (good)
What's the opposite of all of this?
Well, if things are getting stale in an interaction, "hanging in there" and trying to turn things around can turn her off even more (not good).
Or, if you call and text constantly and you're always available anytime, she'll think you don't have a life or you're needy (not good).
Lesson? It's better if she misses you.
One friend of mine - who happens to be very good with women - has this one simple philosophy for interacting with women you might want to date:
"Look good. Have fun. Don't be weird."
I understand the first two things, but what does he mean by not being "weird?"
Well, the way he explains it, he says that all of us guys sometimes slip into Gotta Impress Mode with a woman (especially if she is attractive).
Gotta Impress Mode is that state where you say and do things that you think will impress her or win her over.
Of course, the better she looks, the harder you try and sometimes you might do or say things that are WAY out of character for you.
So, many things you might do or say come across as unnatural, forced, and awkward (i.e., weird).
For example, maybe one guy read online that women like guys who are cocky jerks.
Then, he meets a new woman but instead of just acting normal, he does this cocky jerk routine all night long - making fun of her drink, her purse, her love of cats, and ten other things too.
Yeah, it was funny when he saw her martini and said this to her:
"Is that grape Kool-Aid? Because they make drinks for grown-ups here too..."
Unfortunately, he made fun of her SO much that they never had any real conversation and his material became stale, then super annoying.
What's more interesting is that he probably felt weird inside when he took the cocky jerk routine WAY too far - yet he kept going anyway.
Then, when the woman bails on that dude, for good, things feel even weirder.
So, what's the takeaway here
If words or actions feel weird or forced beforehand, avoid them.
If you follow this one rule, you'll enjoy these benefits:
- You won't look like you're trying too hard
- You won't become predictable and boring
- You won't look apologetic and later, unconfident
Some women say that "the key to a man's heart is through his stomach."
Well, the key to a woman's heart is also through your stomach if you do this:
Trust your gut. If it feels weird, don't do it.