All of us have at some point talked to someone who was nervous.
Whether it's a young, inexperienced salesperson, an underling at work, or just someone who had no confidence, the effect is always the same.
YOU feel uncomfortable talking to that person because you can sense that he or she is uncomfortable with the interaction.
You see that they exhibit all of the signs of nervousness such as unsureness in speech, fidgeting, or awkward body language.
They may even make you feel nervous too.
It's for this reason that it's sometimes tough for a woman to find a nervous guy attractive.
It's not that the guy is unattractive himself.
It's just that she is unable to relax enough herself to access those parts of her brain that give her pleasure when she is feeling attracted.
In other words, most women generally can't feel attraction and discomfort at the same time.
So, if you get nervous around women, here are some ways to beat that attraction-stopping vibe you may be kicking out:
Imagine the Worst and Plan Ahead
Let's get really basic here by asking this question:
What actually causes nervousness?
Well, you might have a bunch of responses for that question but most likely they all fall under the same general category.
You get nervous when you have a fear of the unknown and you worry about things going wrong.
Whether it's making a speech to a group, almost running out of gas in your car, or asking your boss for a raise, one part of you worries that things will end badly.
How would things change if you assumed the worst but planned your next move ahead of time? Probably a lot better.
For example, what if instead of assuming a random beautiful woman will politely reject you, you assume things will go much worse?
What if you just said hi and she said this?:
Eww. No! Get the hell away from me, you loser!
If that happened and you already knew of the next girl you were going to talk to immediately after, would you still be nervous?
What if you already had this response ready on standby?
Jesus! Enough with the flattery. You're making me blush!
What if you knew you could deliver that line, keep your head up, and walk away with a smile?
Do you think you'd be as nervous approaching her in the first place?
This same type of approach can be used for calling or emailing for the first time, asking a girl out, or making the first physical advance.
I really learned this idea well by watching a few buddies of mine who are great with women.
They never get debilitated with nervousness at any of the stages of dating. Why?
Because, they always have a plan B, C, D, E, F, & G.
Plus, they always hope for the best, but they also plan for the worst (and you can do it too).
Get REALLY Nervous
Why would you want to practice being nervous, you might ask?
Well, being nervous and showing all the physical signs of shaky nerves is really a physical response to stress.
If you are too worried about rejection, you may delay in taking action - which causes you to worry more, more, and more.
By practicing being nervous (away from women), you can learn some body awareness and learn to still come across as cool, calm, and collected.
I can tell you from my experience, I know this for certain:
The "coolest" guys out there still get a little bit nervous talking to a new woman, calling or texting at first, or making the first physical move.
No, it never goes away and that's good because it shows you are going after a woman who is valuable enough to actually make you nervous.
Let's face it, if you are around a woman who you don't find attractive, chances are you are not at all nervous.
That may be kind of mean, but it's true, right?
So, here's one crazy way you can practice controlling your nerves (Part One):
- Drink 1-2 cups of coffee or a Red Bull on an empty stomach*
- Go to a big store or shopping mall and start at least three new conversations (with store employees, customers, or whoever)
- Be aware of how your body feels when you are talking, sitting, and moving
When you feel jittery, nervous, or anxious, do the following (Part Two):
- Remember to BREATHE deeply through your nose and exhale through your mouth
- Remember to SLOW DOWN all of your movements
- Focus on creating CLEAR, relaxed, and unrushed speech
When you are nervous and jittery but you can STILL control physical signs of nervousness, you have mastered this exercise.
More importantly, you will know exactly how to cope with any REAL nervous symptoms experienced while approaching, talking to, or dating a woman who is attractive enough to make you nervous.
*Disclaimer: Always consult a phsyician before taking any kind of stimulants such as caffeine contained in coffee or energy drinks.
So, we already know that anticipation or thinking too much can turn you into a sweaty ball of nerves.
Your mind is racing and the longer you delay in talking to, calling, or making a move on a particular woman, the harder it becomes.
When I think about the simplest way to overcome this, I think about my friend Kyle.
He's great with women and, without even knowing it, he does something called "Pit-Stopping."
This means that if life was a NASCAR race, interactions with new women would just be pit-stops.
Still confused? Okay, here's what he does:
- Approaches women in public immediately after talking to a friend, family member, or business associate (on the phone or in person).
- Makes calls or sends texts immediately after talking to a friend, family member, or business associate (on the phone or in person)
- After an interaction with a woman, he immediately goes back to doing whatever he was doing before
Do you see the pattern here?
That's right, there's no nervous build-up before he makes a move.
There's no waiting, wondering, or worrying.
More importantly, he doesn't put any woman at the center of his universe because he is a busy guy.
In the beginning, new women he meets are just pit-stops.
Fast in. Fast out (when the interaction ends).
In other words, try to sandwich your interactions with new women in between activities that keep your mind occupied.
I promise you that if you try this one little technique, you'll be more relaxed and confident when approaching, calling, or texting.
When you finally make you're first physical advance, you'll still be a little nervous, but you'll have trained yourself to not freak out in the moments before you take some kind of action.
You're relaxed and comfortable.
She's relaxed enough to feel comfortable and hopefully, attracted.
End result? You both win.