2. Seeing Yourself as an "Unlucky Loser"
Avoid the Echo Chamber
…you can choose a better frame for your entire life.
So, if we all saw our lives like a movie, we might notice this kind of thing going on:
A lot of guys keep looping the “insurmountable odds” part of the movie over and over again in their heads.
They keep thinking about how they’ve been driven up a tree where everyone is throwing rocks at them – never once thinking that there is a way out.
They don’t see themselves as the hero in the movie but rather, the victim.
Now, if you see yourself as a victim in the world of dating and women, you’ll focus on your past failures and your shortcomings and replay those negative experiences over and over in your head.
You might see yourself as the victim and think beautiful women only want guys who are tall, rich, and handsome (and that’s not you).
You might think dating an attractive woman is not even in the realm of possibility for you because you're this, that, or the other thing (ad nauseum).
Or, you might just see yourself as a victim of bad luck and this is very common too...but it's also very limiting.
Worst of all, if you see life like a movie - where you're an unlucky loser and other guys are the heroes who get all of the gold, glory, and girls - this might happen:
You WILL seek out others who share your perspective and this echo chamber of nihilism and negativity will keep you trapped in a lonely, sexless, and miserable story line forever.
Fun, right? No, not really...but if this is you, you are not alone. Again, it's you and millions of other guys - but what comforts you can also kill you!
It's comforting to engage with other guys who complain about the unfair dating world and guys who complain about Chads and Stacys....and how bad it sucks to be a Virgin <insert meme subtype here>.
It feels good to have an endless bitch-fest with other guys who are dating-challenged, but this is as healthy for you as hanging out with homeless people when you feel broke.
Just imagine doing that!
Sure, you and your homeless pals could all stand around a garbage can fire, warm your hands, and complain about the government, the "rigged" system, and the haves and have-nots, but does this help you personally?
None of this will help you because hanging out and complaining with other guys who have given up on life does not get you laid or paid.
Now, what does get you laid and paid is when you think differently than others think and you see yourself in a way that's better than how most guys see themselves.
The "Messed-Up" Family Complex
...some of the smartest, coolest, and best-looking women come from weird, broken, or dysfunctional families too!
With nearly half of all marriages ending in divorce or permanent separation, there's no shortage of kids who grew up in a home environment filled with "weirdness" or dysfunction.
What's interesting to think about is this:
If you're a child of divorced parents and your family situation messed you up a little (or a lot)...
...and you complain about it to a friend whose parents are still together, you might get this response:
Dude, my parents SHOULD be divorced! Growing up, all I ever heard was bickering and fighting and I'm pretty sure they both cheated on each other too. It was a nightmare.
Now, the first time I heard someone say this was when I was in college (after I told a buddy that he was "lucky").
So, back in college, my divorced parents would show up separately but then we'd all spend time together, and yes, things were weird.
It was weird seeing my parents awkwardly interact and it made me wish I was from one of those "normal" families.
Later on, I shared my feelings about all of this with a buddy whose parents were still together.
I told him how lucky he was that his family was "normal" and that's when he gave me that oddly-comforting response (from above).
So, if you see your mother, father, siblings, or whole family as flawed, abnormal, or weird, you might see yourself as flawed, abnormal, or weird as well.
What makes this worse is that nobody talks about this enough!
Nobody talks about how most people grow up thinking that their parents or family are weird, broken, or dysfunctional and every other family out there is "normal."
Nobody talks about how this is a super normal feeling for ALL humans, all around the world!
In fact, over the years, I've heard countless stories about messed-up childhoods, weird moms and weird dads, weird siblings, and all kinds of family drama (among both broken and intact family units) and I've heard these stories from otherwise confident and happy people.
More importantly, many stories I've heard over the years were from attractive females I previously thought were from "normal" families.
Yes, some of the smartest, coolest, and best-looking women come from weird, broken, or dysfunctional families too!
Now, the big theme here is this:
If any part of you feels "defective" because your family is (or was) "messed-up," just relax because it's really not that big of a deal.
Relax. Chill out. Take a deep breath...and then realize that you're not a "victim" of your family or your circumstances.
You are you and not them.
No, you're not an "outsider" or a "freak" or a "weirdo," you're NORMAL and if this still doesn't sink in for you, keep this idea in mind:
Nobody comes from a perfect family and if someone says they do - that they had perfect parents, a perfect childhood, and their family is perfect - THEY'RE LYING!